Online Dating Winning Strategies: A Guide for Men

Published: 27th September 2011

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By Charles L. Jackson, www.gofishdating.com

There's plenty of articles on the internet about how to successfully use online dating services.

However, most of them offer advice to both men and women. In my view, the advice to each gender actually needs to be slightly different. Men play the 'dating game' differently from women, and it's important to recognise those differences - and use them to your advantage. So in this article, I'm going to offer some words of wisdom specifically for men who are using dating sites to find their ideal woman. I've learned from personal experience some of the mistakes that guys can make online. On the other hand, I also met my future wife by using an online dating site, and so I can also pass on some tips about what worked for me.

One of the first areas that men need to look at is their dating site profile - that area of the site where you describe yourself, and what kind of relationship and partner you are looking for. Men often seem to write too little, or too much. By 'too little', I mean that the profile might just consist of a sentence. For instance, 'What's up?', 'Hit me up', 'Tell u later' are examples of three profiles. Yes, each of those are the entire text of their profile about themselves! Their chances of success are, in my opinion, zero.

At the other extreme, some profiles go on-and-on. A man might write extensively about his ex-wife or partner, or what he is or isn't prepared to put up with. Others go on a long-winded rant about their political views, or a conspiracy theory. Again, these types of profiles are not going to get much interest from a prospective partner, because they show that the man comes across as 'complicated' or 'bitter' or more interested in themselves than anyone else.

The very short profile has the same issue - a lack of interest in others, and is also a very lazy approach.

What does work is a profile written with enthusiasm, charm and a dash of humor. Bear in mind that prospective partners will be judging you (in part) by your profile, so it's really important to write something that captivates them, and makes them want to get to know you. So you need to create an interesting profile about yourself. Find something unique to say about yourself - maybe a hobby you have, or a favourite TV show or movie. Emphasise the kind of person you are - if you're funny, and looking for someone similar, then write a witty profile. If you're keen about a particular sport, mention it and also 'why' you like that sport. For instance, don't just say 'I like football'. Instead think of a favourite team or player, and mention what you like about them, what games you've seen.

It also important to use good spelling and grammar for your online dating profile. Most people appreciate someone who can express themselves well. If this isn't a strength for you, then consider having a friend write your profile, or at least have a read-through of your draft text.

Having a good profile photo can really help your chances of meeting someone online. Plenty of guys ruin their profile by having a photo that is too dark, out of focus, or obscure. This gives the impression of laziness. So organise a good photo - a recent one, that shows at least your head and shoulders. Women like to see men's eyes - so avoid sunglasses.

The next most important part of internet dating is your first message to someone. This is particularly relevant to men - as they are the ones who send the first message - they are the ones doing the 'chasing' of the women!

So, what to write? Casual, or formal? A long message, or a short one? To start with, you have to imagine that the women you are contacting gets messages from other guys, and she might skim through everything in her 'in box' fairly quickly. So your message needs to stand out - it has to grab her interest, and make her want to check out your profile and send your a reply.

The key, in my experience, is to write just a few paragraphs and keep it informal, friendly, and with a dash of humor. This is easier said than done! To start with, think of something to say about the person's dating site profile. What is it, exactly, that you like about them? Here's an example: let's say you see a woman's profile and she says she really likes cooking gourmet food, and going to fine restaurants. You could open your message by talking about this, maybe by mentioning a great restaurant you know - and what makes it great. But keep it short and simple - you want to be slightly flirtatious in a way that doesn't seem over-bearing or pressuring. Prompt her to contact you, by saying something like 'I know a restaurant where the chef has just won an international award for his desserts'. This example gives the woman something to respond to you about - a talking point.

Men who use internet dating have to also get used to 'rejection'. Because they send the majority of the first messages, they'll also be the ones who'll have to deal with many messages that get no reply, or (if you're lucky) a 'no thanks'. All I can say on this topic is 'keep trying'. Meeting someone is a matter of persistence. You can increase your chances by following some of the tips I've mentioned, but you will probably have many times when even the best written message and profile don't spark any interest from the woman you're contacting. Sometimes it's nothing to do with you. It could be because they have already met someone else, or they have had messages from men who more closely match their preferences.

So, in summary, there's no easy way to win at online dating. However, with an interesting and genuine profile, a clear and friendly photo, and a first message that is concise, casual and well-written … your chances are dramatically better than those who write lazy profiles, have a poor photo, and can't construct a meaningful first message.

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